Thursday, April 17, 2008

Needle Bio and all other questions and advise....

First of all AGAIN I have shared something personal and someone has decided to comment on it in a nasty way. Who ever you are which I think I know who it is PLEASE just stay off of my blog if you have nothing nice to say. There are a few people I really can not stand and I don't go to their blog or post nasty comments. This blog is for my friends and family to read not someone trying to get off on being a backbiting bitch!!! This is the new me TELL IT HOW IT IS!!!

I am no fool I have explored all avenues of this subject. I have choose not to share EVERYTHING I am having done or what is being done for me but for those who THINK they know me. THIS IS NOT MY FIRST BATTLE WITH BREAST CANCER!!! I do know what I am doing and are looking into other options that I am not willing to share at this time as they are private and between Dusty and I! Needle Bio will not be in the plan, it is for other reasons I am not having it done. From now on I will not be sharing what is going on with this, it was just meant to let friends know what was going on with out having to make a ton of phone calls but I can see some people who don't like to leave their names want to take something personal and turn it into a way for them to get there ROCKS OFF by being assholes! Thanks to who ever you are I loved the way you put me down, it must make you feel big to kick someone when they are down.....Here is a middle finger back at you babe!!!!!

To those who really have been a support THANK YOU!!!! and know I love you all!!!!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Breast Cancer..........

Those words just scare the shit out of me! I have had 2 friends past away from it in my home town this last year. So when I found yet another lump in my own breast I went to the doctor....

For those who did not know please don't feel you have been left in the dark...I choose not to tell anyone.....

Today was the big day! After 2 weeks of waiting to get in to have a Diagnostic Mammogram done it was nice to wake up this morning and know I would finally have some answers.

This is why I have not been on line for a while or updated my blog. I just did not know what to say or how to say those words.....Breast Cancer.....No matter how you look at it my life was about to change forever!

Today when they did the diagnostic mammogram. They came in and said they would like a "better look". The only thing I could think of when the blood ran out of Dusty's face was " Oh dear God here we go". After a 45 min "look" everyone left me and Dusty in that little cold room with nothing to do but think and hold each other. Then finally the news. We don't "think" it is cancer but we want to keep a close eye on you so we need to do all of these test again in 6 mths.
I know this is how it started out with my friend and co worker who past away this last fall. But I am going to think of this as I am safe for 6 mths.
I have always known I had a potential problem as I had my first Lump removed when I was 19. I really never thought to much about it when I was younger but now that I have children That has changed.
I seem to over think everything and what everything to fall into place as is should.
The possibility of not being there to making my daughters wedding dresses, and planning their weddings with them, watching them have there first child, watching all of my grandchildren grow, my sons turn into grow men and married the woman they love then be the same loving husband to them as Dusty is to me. Chase, missing everything about him and him not even getting to know know who momma really is has been more than I could deal with. Free for 6 more mths has taken a whole new meaning.
I will over look all of the little things in life and just simply enjoy mine.
Run away with this perfect husband I have when ever we can,
enjoy every small detail of my children's life and dreams.
Just write the check and smile when I see my daughters in their prom dresses and hold those moments in my heart.
Hold Cody and Chase just that much longer to remember the sweetness of youth.
Remind my boys the key to happiness in life is marry a girl who is your best friend, one you can talk to about anything with out fear.
And to tell Dusty just how much his love means to me.........and to thank him for the last weekend at the hotel in town just to be alone and the dinner I did not have to cook.
Dusty you are what makes me strong, I Love You!