Monday, April 14, 2008

Breast Cancer..........

Those words just scare the shit out of me! I have had 2 friends past away from it in my home town this last year. So when I found yet another lump in my own breast I went to the doctor....

For those who did not know please don't feel you have been left in the dark...I choose not to tell anyone.....



Today was the big day! After 2 weeks of waiting to get in to have a Diagnostic Mammogram done it was nice to wake up this morning and know I would finally have some answers.

This is why I have not been on line for a while or updated my blog. I just did not know what to say or how to say those words.....Breast Cancer.....No matter how you look at it my life was about to change forever!

Today when they did the diagnostic mammogram. They came in and said they would like a "better look". The only thing I could think of when the blood ran out of Dusty's face was " Oh dear God here we go". After a 45 min "look" everyone left me and Dusty in that little cold room with nothing to do but think and hold each other. Then finally the news. We don't "think" it is cancer but we want to keep a close eye on you so we need to do all of these test again in 6 mths.
I know this is how it started out with my friend and co worker who past away this last fall. But I am going to think of this as I am safe for 6 mths.
I have always known I had a potential problem as I had my first Lump removed when I was 19. I really never thought to much about it when I was younger but now that I have children That has changed.
I seem to over think everything and what everything to fall into place as is should.
The possibility of not being there to making my daughters wedding dresses, and planning their weddings with them, watching them have there first child, watching all of my grandchildren grow, my sons turn into grow men and married the woman they love then be the same loving husband to them as Dusty is to me. Chase, missing everything about him and him not even getting to know know who momma really is has been more than I could deal with. Free for 6 more mths has taken a whole new meaning.
I will over look all of the little things in life and just simply enjoy mine.
Run away with this perfect husband I have when ever we can,
enjoy every small detail of my children's life and dreams.
Just write the check and smile when I see my daughters in their prom dresses and hold those moments in my heart.
Hold Cody and Chase just that much longer to remember the sweetness of youth.
Remind my boys the key to happiness in life is marry a girl who is your best friend, one you can talk to about anything with out fear.
And to tell Dusty just how much his love means to me.........and to thank him for the last weekend at the hotel in town just to be alone and the dinner I did not have to cook.
Dusty you are what makes me strong, I Love You!

23 comments:

Sun said...

Yikes, Rose! I don't know what to say other than I LOVE YOU! We'll be praying that in six months it'll just be nothing.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't tell if you just had the mammo and some 'extra pictures' but if you are interested, another option that many leading breast centers use & which will 'eliminate' that 'waiting period-is a 'needle biopsy' that is done at an outpatient facility. Under x-ray guidance they take a small piece of the mass, analyze it and then you will know if it is benign or something to worry about. You will still probably have to do the repeat mammo in 6 months- but this process eliminates alot of worry and gives you a more definite answer. Remember- to trust your 'gut feeling' and if you think it needs to be looked at closer- INSIST on the needle biopsy.

Bennetts said...

I have not shared everything they are doing for me or all of the medical things we are looking at as we are trying to keep somethings private.......

Sara said...

Rose you are gonna get me crying here....I will keep positive thoughts and prayers for you. I am a BIG supporter of BC and had a scare myself a few years ago...

Big hugs to you!

Lisa said...

Rose - Just wanted to send some prayers your way that this is nothing at all! It is a good sign that they do not want to do a needle biopsy though and that they feel they can just keep an eye on it! I know it does not make you feel any better and so hard to have to understand why they have to wait and see as well. I am a breast cancer survivor - had it when I was 34 and just wanted to offer you some HOPE! I have been in remission for almost 8 years! If I can ever be of any help please let me know!

Hugs!

Lisa - Lily's mom from T21

Anonymous said...

Baby girl YOU are the strongest woman I know! You know if you ever need anything I will come running you just have to ask me or have Dusty!
Love You,
Gus

amy flege said...

hang in there girl!! Hugs!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

god grow up! it is not like your fighting to keep your child alive! now that is something I know all about but would trade you places if it meant my son could grow up healthy and happy. It is selfish to think of yourself and your needs before others. Just go in and have them cute them off and be done with it and stop whinning!

Nicol said...

Hi Rose.

My name is Nicol (mom2alex) on the boards. I don't post there often since my son is now 16 but I saw your post.

I just wanted to join in with everyone else to offer support to you in this scary time.

Please know our thoughts are with you.

Emily Elizabeth said...

Oh Rose, I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. Lots of love to you right now.

Annon - what is wrong with you? Your comments are some of the most insensitive and hurtful ones that I have ever read. It sounds like you are going through some difficult times too, and I am sorry for that. Maybe using your pain and fear to connect with other people instead of pushing them away would be as helpful to you as it would be to others.

Michelle said...

Rose - thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. Hugs!

Nicole said...

Rose,

I recently found a lump and will be going for a mammogram on the 25th. I'm not even as far along in the process as you were/are/have been, but I too have shared some of the same worries. Ignore the poster who told you to quit whining. I see your words as wisdom that can be imparted and a special and serious reminder for us all to appreciate every moment of health we have. HUGS and many prayers for your cointinued health. NIcole ~ Tarenne's Mom

Carey said...

Oh Rose, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I was inspired reading your post about how meaningful each and every day is to you. Now that we've been through/are going through cancer, I can tell you I've learned so much about appreciating the moments. Ignore whoever posted the nasty comment, that just makes me sick to read. We've all had to deal w/ nasty people and for some reason on these blogs they never have the guts to post their names!

Debra said...

Rose, I know it is great to ignore the Anonymous poster but let's face it they either do not really have a child that is as sick as they say and if they do have a child they are probably a user of people and don't want anyone to steal their pitty that they look for in so many places. They also most times post things to get people to feel sorry for them. If their child really is as sick as they say, they would not want Breast Cancer. Poster your a joke and need to grow up. Why don't you go to all the other blogs and posts how down and out you are so everyone will feel sorry for you. Pour little poster...LOL This is not addressed to the first anonymous poster because they were just trying to help.

Hugs Rose, I am glad that our two beautiful little ones with Ds, helped us form a friendship from one mom with many children to another.

Debra and Hope

mom2noah said...

Hi Rose, I want to thank you for letting us know how you are doing. I admire your strength and certainly respect your privacy. We share the latter. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry for the nasty comments, I will never understand why people choice to be sooo hurtful. Please know that you have a wealth of friends who really care and appreciate your friendship. Lots of HUGS - Terry & Noah

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Quit whining? That is just plain rude! No matter what is going on in someone else's life doesn't make what you are going through any less important! I am so sorry, Rose for that nasty commentor and for what you are going through. My prayers will be with you, my friend, and that God will soften the hardened heart of your commentor.

Chelsey said...

This is a reply to the person who chooses to remain anonymous. First and far most take a little of your own advice and "grow up." "Don't squat like a puppy if you are going to run with the pack." If what you have to say is so important and so meaningful to you why not stand by it? Why not leave your name. If you think you are right and truly believe what you say you would stand by it. You are grown women start acting like it. What you said about trading places with your child is how any mother would feel, but think for two seconds about how your child would be with out you. I have struggled with the lose of my father and I ROSES DAUGHTER would not wish that on any child. My mother has went without on many different occasions so my siblings and I could have. My mom is a great mom! She's the women who when we couldn't afford to pay the heating bill, pitched a tent in our living room around a space heater so that we could pretended like we were camping. My mom is the queen of turning a bad situation into a good one.

When you made that rude remark about it's not like she's fighting to keep her child alive... you couldn't have been more off base. my mom has fought more for us kids than a lot of people could ever dream of. In all honesty if anything did happen to my mother, I don't know what I would do or how I would make it.

So please stop pretending like you are in anyway better than my mother and when you are sitting in church on Sunday remember that you are not God and putting people down to get pleasure from their pain is NOT CHRIST LIKE! have a lovely day.

-Chelsey

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